An Ode to Those Who Feel Broken•
Posted on February 06 2018
Here I am. Thirty-one years of life in this quirky, uncomfortable body that I love. Here I am. 25 reconstructive surgeries later and 20 years into learning to live with hair loss. Here I am. On the other side of a two-year liquid diet, and my first three months of ever having a full set of functional teeth which are no longer removable. Here I am. So damn happy to be alive, past/present struggles and all.
Biologically, I am a defective human being. A mutant. (That’s actually kind of cool. I’ve never called myself a mutant before. Maybe like the Mutant Ninja Turtles. (...sorry, I was a baby of the 80s)). Having endured many adversities, I am often thinking about suffering: all the ways one might suffer in silence with their thoughts and realities, and the ways many of us were conditioned to conceal and ignore our depths. What if, instead, we saw these depths as roots which, if nurtured, might actually help us grow? What if this approach could be a path to feeling more alive? False positivity only carries one so far.
And so I wanted to write a little ode to the situations, experiences, and even concepts, that many of us suffer. It goes something like this...----------
AN ODE TO THOSE WHO FEEL BROKEN
The one who’s anxious in social settings.
The one who’s angry all the time.
The one who constantly compares themselves to others.
The one who criticizes their own appearance.
The one who feels nothing.
The one who struggles with meaning and faith.
The one who has suicidal thoughts.
The one who feels hyper-sensitive.
The one who wants peace and quiet.
The one who’s uncomfortable with silence.
The one who hates their body.
The one who’s in an abusive relationship.
The one who’s scared to grow old.
The one who’s afraid they’re not good enough.
The one who feels lonely.
The one who just wants to be alone.
The one who's ostracized for being different.
The one who fears speaking up.
The one who will never be the same again.
The one who’s painfully self-conscious.
The one who feels regret.
The one who can’t stop obsessing.
The one who’s scared to try.
The one who thinks it’s too late.
The one whose mind is full of negative self-talk.
The one who longs to be heard.
The one who doesn’t feel desirable.
The one who only feels whole when adored by others.
The one who’s always jealous.
The one who cries every day.
The one who feels remorseful.
The one who’s uncomfortable all the time.
The one who's tired of suffering.
The one who fears living their truth.
The one who’s addicted.
The one who lost everything.
The one who can’t make eye contact.
The one who misses someone.
The one who feels defeated.
You’re Not Broken.
Please know that it’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to feel scared. It’s okay to fear the unknown. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to not know. May you hold these reminders close to your heart as you push through your life’s unique adversities and make the best of them.
As you grow.
Because you can grow.
And you must grow.
For your own wellbeing.
Lean into discomfort.
You are courageous.
And if you find yourself not supported in your growth, do your best to find those humans out there who will. They’re out there. We’re out here.
(Here's a list of online resources that may help.)
I wish you strength and softness, curiosity and discovery, enjoyable solitude and rich connections.
Onward in appreciation,
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